Category Archives: peace

Hard Messages to Hear

Leave a reply

Dear Folks,
In this second Sunday of Advent, we encounter John the Baptist, and his fierce preaching. We also meet the Pharisees and Sadducees, whom we will encounter later. They were very smart,
did a lot of studying, and did a lot of religious devotion. They did a lot of listening to each other, and despising those who were not a part of their group. Of course, if they all agreed on
their basic beliefs and just talked to each other, they would never be challenged serious. They would reinforce each other
In C.S. Lewis’ book “The Screwtape Letters” we see a senior devil (Screwtape) giving advice to his nephew (Wormwood) about how to lead a soul to hell. In letter 3 we see, “You must bring him to a condition in which he can practice self-examination for an hour without discovering any of those facts about himself which are perfectly clear to anyone who has ever lived in the same house with him or worked in the same office.” He’s talking about blind spots, and if we listen to those who think like us and discount those who don’t before really hearing them (because they are evil/stupid/lying) we protect ourselves from having our ideas challenged and our blind spots discovered. In the book “Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps: How to Thrive in Complexity” by Jennifer Garvey Berger, Margaret Wakeley, et al. they talk about the trap of agreement: if our entire group agrees, we tend not to seek further input, and become trapped in our bubble. I have recommended Monica Guzman’s book “I Never Thought of it That Way” to understand how this works and how to counter it. In the book “Radical Inclusion” by Martin Dempsey and Ori Brafman they mention that modern discourse tends not to be about logical argument but competing narratives. People hear a narrative, find it compelling, believe it and proclaim it as if it were the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. They often do not consider if the premises are true, if he reasoning is valid, or if it is missing something. Then, when they hear something contrary to that narrative, they dismiss it, ridicule it, and attack it, without asking, “Might there be something here to learn?”
What if our Pharisee and Sadducee friends were so rooted in the narrative that their approach was the correct one, they were the good guys, and that no one else had anything to teach them. They reinforced each other in their beliefs and were quite sure they didn’t need to change anything in their thinking or actions. John gave them a severe talking to (I don’t think his methods would work today. We are too good at dismissing people we see as cranks.
In the book “The Practice of Adaptive Leadership” by Ron Heifetz et.al. they talk about protecting minority voices. Too often, minority voices get steamrolled and ignored by the majority, but they may have some wisdom to share. Even if we don’t accept all of their position, they may have insight that can help us refine our ideas. We remember that in 1905 Albert Einstein turned the physics world upside down with three groundbreaking papers, including one on relativity. Over time, however, the revolution became the establishment, and when the time came for the next step, quantum mechanics, Einstein was fiercely opposed. He came up with every argument he could to discredit it (and he was very good at that. Even though he was eventually proven wrong, arguing with Einstein helped the innovators refine their position, and it made the science better. Those who disagree with us are challenges, not enemies.
Heifetz also talks about getting on the balcony. Taking some distance to see the big picture, the picture that we can’t see when we are in the midst of the dance. If we can find a way to take a step back this Advent to see things from a different perspective, that could bear some fruit.
May we all have a fruitful Advent.
Blessings,
Fr. Jim

Waiting for God’s Peace

Leave a reply

Dear Folks,

Today we begin Advent, a season of expectant waiting. Waiting is not just stillness, but directed toward a future hope, and doing Advent well includes a keen focus on what we are hoping for, and how we are shaped by that hope. Our readings, of course, help us.

First, in Isaiah 2:1-5, we see a future in which God gathers people from everywhere. God is the great Gatherer. Jesus prayed in His great priestly prayer “I pray not only on behalf of these, but also for those who through their word will come to believe in me. May they all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, may they also be in us so that the word may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, so that they may be one, as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become completely on, and thus the world may know that you have sent me and that you have loved them even as you have loved me (John 17:20-23).” Do you want people to believe that Jesus is truly at work in the Church and that the Church is worth coming to? Jesus connects that to our being one. 

We see as people gather, their great desire is that God “may instruct us in his ways, and we may walk in his paths.” We call ourselves disciples, and “disciple” means “student.” To be a disciple is to be learning, that we may “walk in His ways,” that is, live according to His truth.  As they live this truth they will “beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks,” because fighting has become obsolete. The great promise is peace: everyone will get along all the time. Ahhhh.

Romans 13:11-14 reminds us that to get to that peace, we must “throw off” all the things we do that are not in keeping with God’s truth. This time of expectation and hope is a time of repentance. By the power of God’s grace, we seek to live like people who want that peace, and that means not only avoiding doing harm, but actively and intentionally building peace (Matthew 5:9).

Because we are sinful, flawed people, we are going to offend each other. We are naturally more aware of how others offend us than how we offend other people (That great big splinter in your eye looks so much bigger than that little plank in my eye). When we have a gripe against someone, we are called to be healers, even if we are sure we are not at fault (though more often than not, we have contributed somehow and need to be open to that possibility). 

We go to the person first and talk, not to attack, but to bring mutual understanding and healing. If we can’t make progress, bringing one or two more into the conversation to help (Matthew 18:15-16). Talking about people behind their backs, saying things about them that we don’t say to them, spreading complains to create a climate of hostility against that person, is a terrible poison that does immeasurable harm in communities. We must all remind each other because gossip is a terrible plague in the church. We are always to encourage healing. Talking to each other is so much harder than talking about them, but that is exactly the sort of sacrifice to which Jesus calls us.

Matthew 24:37-44 reminds us that God will call us to account for how we answer this call, and we are always to be ready.

Blessings,

Fr. Jim

Peace or Division?

Leave a reply

Dear Folks,

It is the work of Satan to tear people apart. It is the work of Jesus to reconcile, and we have been entrusted with that work. “All this has been done by God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and entrusted us with the ministry of reconciliation. In other words, God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, and not holding people’s transgressions against them, and he committed us to the message of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-19”).

Here’s a twist: Jesus said, “Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. From now on a household of five will be divided, three against two and two against three… (Luke 12:52-53).” But what about “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God (Matthew 5:9)” and “Peace I leave you, my peace I give you (John 14:27).” What are we to make of this?

What about this? In this world torn by sin and division, the only road to peace and unity begins by uncovering the division. Where Jesus went, there was division between those who accepted His teaching and those rejected it, often fiercely. I suggest that Jesus did not create the division, but He revealed the division that was already in their hearts.

There are many dysfunctional families in which problems are not addressed, they are not talked about, and people pretend they don’t exist. Then they get worse. This is not peace.

Avoiding conflict does not make it go away, and when it festers, sometimes there is ablowup.

When surgeons heal, they must first cut. To be sure, they cut very carefully and precisely; they don’t just slice haphazardly. It is all directed toward healing, and they know how to do it. Furthermore, they try to cut as little as possible, while doing the most healing. Incisions for the same kind of surgery gotten smaller as medical science has advanced.

I’ve seen a lot of conversation in social media that seems like just slicing haphazardly: lots of insults, name calling, and attacking.

If I criticize someone in a way that makes them think, “this person hasn’t tried to understand my position, and what he says misses the point” then it’s guaranteed that I will not be able to persuade him. In fact, I’ve reinforced his belief by my unpersuasive argument.

Imagine someone out there who disagrees with me but is open to reason. What in my words has a chance of getting him to think a new thought, ask a new question, or see things from a different angle? How would my words sound to that person?

Recognize there is a disparity between how I hear myself and how others hear me. Being attentive to people’s reactions can give us a hint of what they heard, and how it might differ from what we intended to say. We will make mistakes. It is hard. It can be painful.

Of course, reading the Gospels makes it clear there is no way to be a disciple of Jesus without some pain. It’s easy to complain, to insult people, to call names, but seriously engaging is hard work. Consider, if you could reduce the friction in your car’s motor so

that it went twice as far on a gallon of gas and the parts took twice as long to wear out, what would that be worth? How much more valuable with the members of society.

Blessings,

Fr. Jim

Missing the Big Picture

2 Replies

Dear Folks,

When we try to have productive dialog, there are some principles that might be useful.

Daniel Kahneman’s book “Thinking Fast and Slow” he says there are two kinds of thinking. One is faster and easier, but “knows nothing of logic or statistics” and has a tendency to believe that what we see is the whole picture. The other kind of thinking is slower and more work, so very often people don’t do it. It takes effort to think things through, to examine and question ideas critically. When I’m talking to someone, what kind of thinking am I using? What kind of thinking is the other person using? Both kinds of thinking are useful in their place, but it is useful to be aware.

Recognize that God sees everything (the whole picture) with direct apprehension. We do not. We, through our senses, collect bits of experience and weave them into a narrative. There is absolute truth, but our grip on it is limited. Two people can have very different narratives about the same situation and both be acting in good faith.

There are many people working very hard to feed us their narratives about how things are, and some people will hear the narrative, find it compelling, then accept it uncritically and never look back.

If you read “Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps” by Jennifer Garvey Berger (I’m currently listening to her “Simple Habits for Complex Times” and it is interesting), she describes one mindtrap as “The Simple Story.” We hear a simple narrative that seems compelling and decide that it explains everything, and we can miss complexity. Another mindtrap is “Agreement”. If everyone in our group agrees with an idea we tend decide that it’s enough and not to seek further perspective. There is an opposite in which whatever a certain person or group believes, we automatically believe the opposite. I saw someone talking about a politician (whose opponents really hated him) and this person suggested, “He should issue a statement in favor of air and watch his enemies suffocate themselves.” Nobody is always right (except God) and nobody is always wrong.

There is a dark triad: narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism, people who don’t care how they hurt you as they seek to get what they want. You can imagine the temptation to be quick to decide that anyone we disagree with is one of those, but that is lazy and unproductive. We need some really solid reason to write someone off like that. We also need to recog-

nize that having fruitful dialogue with people of other perspectives is more work than we are used to thinking.

In Matthew 10:14 (also Mark 6:11 and Luke 9:5) Jesus teaches that sometimes people will not

hear us, and we must “shake the dust” from our feet and move on. Jesus couldn’t reach everyone, and we are not going to do better than Jesus. Once again, it is important to beware of the

temptation to put people in that basket too quickly. This work is hard, harder than we tend to think, and if we give up too soon, we will make no progress but become more and more alienated.

All of this means that having good dialogue with other people is going to be hard work, patient work, frustrating work. The question is: are we willing to do that for the sake of a better world?

Blessings,

Fr. Jim

Harder Than We Think

Leave a reply

Dear Folks,

I once saw a bumper sticker that said, “No Farms No Food.” My first thought was that this person wants to abolish all the farms so we will all starve to death. What a mean person! Then

I thought this person wants us to appreciate farms because without them we wouldn’t have food. That was a much better thought.

Did you hear about the man who stared intently at the can of orange juice because it said, “Concentrate.” One man said, “My hair needs cutting really badly,” and I said, “I can cut it really badly.” Just because we understand the words doesn’t mean we really understand what the person is saying. In the seminary, one Bible scholar told us that to understand what is being said we must “listen with our hearts.” He said that if you go into a shop to buy blades for your razor and the woman behind the counter says, “Can I help you, honey?” The word “honey” really doesn’t mean anything. However, if a man is speaking to the love of his life, he might be pouring his whole soul into the word “honey.” If our hearts are filled with anger and hostility, we will naturally hear things in the worst possible way. Let’s be honest; when we really dislike someone, we want to hear bad things about him, just as when we really like someone, we like to hear good things about him. How can that not shade the way we listen?

When people put out some snippets of what someone supposedly said, and then claim they are terrible people, I don’t think that will be as persuasive as they think. In fact, a lot of what

people say is expressed in such a way that it guarantees no one is going to be persuaded unless they already agree.

People have talked about toning down the rhetoric. I don’t think that’s enough. I think we need to learn how to have more effective rhetoric. My ability to have dialog has improved a

great deal over the course of years, and though it doesn’t always produce good results (Jesus had the same problem, and I’m not going to do better than Jesus), I have had many more good

outcomes than I used to. Whatever else you believe about Charlie Kirk, he was very good at that kind of dialog, which is what made him so successful. What if we all learned more about

how to do that?

More effective rhetoric is an art. We must be aware of how we sound to others. The words we say sound more benign to us than similar words said back to us, so two people, speaking in

the same way, can each believe that the other person is being cruel while we are innocent. I suggest that listening well is harder than we think, and we have to get better at it. James 1:19

teaches us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” What If we, as a society, decided that if we thought some people were headed in the wrong direction, we trusted more in the

power of dialog than in name calling, shouting someone down, and violence?

What if we put more energy and effort into trying to understand and not being too quick to believe we understand enough? What if we focused less on who was a good person and who

was a bad person and focused more on how we can all be better people? Every day is a chance to learn something new, and every day is a chance to become a better person. Jesus said we must strive for perfection and cannot be content with less (Matthew 5:48).

Blessings,

Fr. Jim

Peace I Give You

Leave a reply

Dear Folks,

If we want a more peaceful world, first and foremost, get to know Jesus better. Building a better world always starts with falling more deeply in love with Jesus. Knowing His teaching is, of course, wonderful, and we can all benefit from studying those more. However, getting to know Him personally, spending time with Him, and, in the words of Pope Benedict, “Let Him be your best friend” will make all the difference. Some will object and point to the evils done by church people. I would suggest that this happens when the church people imitate the world rather than trust the teaching of Jesus. When we trust worldly power over the power of the cross, bad things happen. In the words of William Bennet (in his book “America: the Last Best Hope”) “the problem was too little Catholicism, not too much.” Also, it is church people who often developed the ideas that would oppose evils that had not been questioned before. It has been said that Christians did not invent slavery but invented the notion that slavery was wrong. I’m not a historian, but I think a case could be made that is true of many of our best moral principles. I think the best bet is to trust Jesus. Jesus has turned many villains into saints.

This will lead to a different kind of combat. We have a natural desire to make a mark on the wo rld and when we feel helpless, it is like pressure building up in us that needs to get out. It is very tempting then to use violence because it seems like a quick way to get results. I had a rage-filled, adversarial relationship with the universe for many years, and I understand this deeply. If it is not channeled properly, it explodes, and we see the results.

Christians have different weapons for combating evil (Ephesians 6:10-17). I focus on telling the Gospel story, working together as community, worshipping God, and helping people in need. With these weapons, we can transform the world, not as quickly, but much more profoundly, and with longer lasting effects (eternal!!!). The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the power greater than any imagined superpower (take that, Iron Man). If that is where we should channel our frustration and our energy, we will have a more peaceful world. Of course, we Christians know that we cannot become good people just by studying goodness and trying hard (though that is essential). The power of sin is too strong in our hearts. It is in our relationship with Jesus that by His power we are transformed, gradually made into what we were always meant to be. Many Christians throughout the centuries have demonstrated that they can receive mistreatment, persecution, and suffering of many kinds and respond with love. Only if we can respond to evil with love can the world ever become a better place.

And the better job we do of that, the more other people can see that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is worth exploring.

One thing that I think should be obvious: what we have been doing hasn’t been getting us there. What if each one of us considered seriously how we could up our game in this area. If we want a better world and more people loving Jesus, are we willing to try something new to make it happen?

Blessings,

Fr. Jim

Peacemaking

Leave a reply

Dear folks,

Here are some continuing thoughts about how to make the world a more peaceful place.

Intellectual humility: Don’t be too quick to be too certain that we see the whole picture. What if there is more to the story? I learned this the hard way: experiences of feeling very certain and finding out I was very wrong. Things can seem obvious and still be wrong. This will make me more reluctant to go too far to get my agenda.

Humility of Agency: Not be so certain that we are the solution, such that we decide we can violate boundaries rather than fail. If we try honorably and fail, someone might launch a successful attempt from the ashes our failure. Remember that actions done with good intentions may have bad consequences. Sometimes we even cause the opposite of what we intend. This goes with Moral Humility: Not being so certain that we will always do the right thing, lest we trust ourselves with too much power (Think of why Gandalf refused to take the one ring: “I would intend to

use it for good…”). When boundaries, accountability, checks and balances on us get in the way of what we want to do it is frustrating, but not necessarily bad.

People like Lenin, Stalin, Mao, and Robespierre all apparently thought they were fixing things and would make a paradise on earth, and so they thought they could take some serious moral shortcuts to do so. They made hell on earth and brought

untold suffering. We must fight monsters without becoming monsters. (I found if you search for images of “Peacemaker” you get a comic book villain who seeks to bring peace by using extreme violence.) As Jesus said, we must be “clever as serpents and innocent as doves (Matt 10:16).” We must work toward a better world but always remember that we are not the savior (We have a Savior).

Seeing the big picture. I can be okay with losing today so that I could win tomorrow. If I think in terms of years, decades, or even centuries, I can be content to work bit by bit for a better world, and a temporary loss is not a catastrophe. This would give me less temptation to drastic, violent action.

Support Law enforcement. Of course, hold bad actors accountable, but when one is accused, that officer should get the same due process and presumption of innocence that we would want for ourselves if we were accused of a terrible crime.

Those who do their jobs deserve our support and gratitude for the tremendous sacrifices they make for our sake. Let us send clear, consistent messages that we value and admire obeying the law and respecting law enforcement officers, and believe in holding criminals accountable.

Fill ourselves with stories of people who solved problems and accomplished great things without resorting to violence. Sometimes physical force is necessary, especially in war, law enforcement, or self-defense, but let us emphasize our admiration for those who do great things through other means and let us aspire to imitate them.

Tim Scott just released the book “One Nation Always Under God” and it is full of such stories. If there were more people like those depicted in the book, and if we as a society aspired to be like them, perhaps that would help people focus their energies more peacefully (reading the lives of the saints doesn’t hurt either).

Next, the most important part.

Blessings,

Fr. Jim

Building Peace

Leave a reply

Dear Folks,

I wanted to share some further thoughts on making the world more peaceful.

Anger management: Our anger matters, but it is not the most important thing. (James 1:19-20; Ephesians 4:26-27). Anger does not show the rightness of our position. In fact, it narrows our perception and hampers our judgment. Learning to heal our anger, not letting it lead us can make a difference. I have a punching bag that has suffered terribly for this cause. I recommend “No Future Without Forgiveness” by Desmond Tutu and “The Book of Forgiving” by Desmond and Mpho Tutu. Also helpful is “Remembering God’s Mercy by Dawn Adams. This is a part of the notion that our feelings in general matter and have things to teach us, but they should not be in control, nor be trusted as a moral compass. We recognize that they are easily manipulated and subject to change for all sorts of reasons. We can practice feeling anger and practicing calm. This is connected to:

Reconciling ourselves to the truth that if we want to do good, we are going to have to work harder than we though, for longer than expected, to accomplish less than we hoped. The world is a horrible mess. We can believe we can make some difference without having to believe that we can fix it in our lifetimes. When we are done, it will still be a horrible mess, but better than it would have been without our efforts. I know that feeling of urgency that I have to fix this huge problem now, and the harm I did because I got too aggressive. Recognizing that the evil does much deeper and we can be more effective by being patient and persevering than by panicking. This has not only saved me a lot of stomach acid, but I believe it has made me more effective.

Training in peaceful and constructive dialog: I recommend Ann Garrido’s book “Redeeming Conflict” to begin, then Monica Guzman’s “I Never Thought of it That Way.” There are some people with whom we cannot make peace, but the more people get better at peacemaking, the fewer such people there will be. I’ve seen so many conversations that take the form of: Person A: “People shouldn’t be starving. We need the government to take all the food and give it out to everyone so no one will starve.” Person B: “I don’t think that will work and will cause more harm than good.” Person A: “You are a wicked, wicked person who doesn’t care about starving people.” This form of dialog takes place with many issues and many proposed solutions. We need to make conversation more productive. This is connected to:

Problem solving and conflict resolution skills. This will give us a channel to direct our energy and concern. If we spend less time attacking our opponents (which is so much easier) and more time building a case for our solution (which is more work and makes us vulnerable to being attacked ourselves) we need not be trapped in the helpless rage that is a temptation to violence. This is connected to:

Leadership skills: Able to exercise constructive leadership in society. One does not always need an official position to be a leader. Sometimes, asking a good question, telling a good story, setting a good example can be acts of leadership. This is an art that need cultivating. I recommend “The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and Tactics for Changing Your Organization and the World” by Ron Heifetz. I can make my mark on the world without resorting to violence, even in this big, frustrating world.

More later.

Blessings,

Fr. Jim

Toward a More Peaceful World

Leave a reply

I do not think we can get there by passing laws or instituting government programs. I think there is better hope through building virtue and changing culture. Culture makes a big difference in how people behave, and we naturally pick up behaviors and attitudes from the people around us. Some cultures emphasize cleanliness, and others throw garbage in the streets. Some cultures embody great emotional expressiveness, while others are very reserved (when those people come together it can get awkward). I think the growth in violence in our society is not because guns have been suddenly introduced, but because the culture has shifted, and encourages attitudes and behaviors that feed a violent society.

I think a great deal of the problem is our culture does not do a good enough job nurturing peaceful people. If we build certain kinds of habits, and encourage each other in these habits, I think that can make a more profound difference, and there are things we can all do to help shift things. We can strive to grow in these virtues ourselves and encourage and support others in doing so as well. We can elevate celebrities that embody theses virtues and chose to give no attention to those who undermine them.

So what are these virtues? I think there needs to be a lot of conversations about that, but I have some initial offerings.

Boundaries, principles, and virtues: There is right and there is wrong, and it is bigger than we are. The goodness of our cause does not eliminate but increases our responsibility for staying in bounds. We need an objective sense of right and wrong and need the same standards to hold for ourselves and our opponents. We need to send clear, con- sistent messages that we value and admire growing in virtue more than following desire.

It is essential and more effective that we put more effort in holding ourselves accountable and calling out our allies more than calling out our opponents. I recommend C.S. Lewis’ “The Abolition of Man.” Eighty years ago he warned about a society in which “we laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. William Kilpatrick’s “Why Johnny Can’t Tell Right from Wrong” talks about the importance of teaching clear right and wrong to children and explains the power of stories to shape our moral imaginations.

Connections: Family, friends, Church or civic organizations that encourage personal virtue and diversity of thought. How can we strengthen these precious institutions? I rec-

ommend David Brooks’ “How to Know a Person.” The more we see each other as con-

nected to us, the harder to decide to commit violence against them. This is connected to: Growing in empathy: Not allow our anger or disagreement to make us objectify others.

Working hard to see things from others’ point of view. The tendency of sinful humans is to see others as objects, focusing only on how they affect us. Pornography is intense training in objectifying other people. See Fightthenewdrug.org. It would help to keep smart phones out of children’s hands until they reach a certain age. I recommend Jona- than Haight’s book “The Anxious Generation.”

Support the vocation of family, the foundation of civilizing influences. Many have made a case that a case that the union of one man and one woman, joined for life, ordered toward generating and nurturing children is most effective, and a society that privileges and encourages such unions does better. Prioritize what makes the best environment for the children over what these two people want. I recommend “Getting the Marriage Conversation Right” by William B. May, “Defending Marriage” by Anthony Esolen, and “What is Marriage?” by Sherif Girgis et al. to reflect on what marriage is (a society that is not clear on what marriage is will be on shaky ground indeed). John G. Gottman’s “Making Marriage Work” brings scientific data around practices that help couples to succeed.

More on this later.

Blessings,

Fr. Jim

HEY!!! “CAR

What Do People See?

Leave a reply

Dear Folks,

As we continue to celebrate the Easter season, we read a good deal from Acts of the Apostles, Revelation, and the Gospel resurrection accounts. In this week’s reading from John, there are two key concepts: the forgiveness of sins and believing without seeing.

The reading from Acts shows people not seeing the risen Jesus but seeing the Church.

When we look at people, we don’t see their personhood, their personalities, their character, their souls. We see the surfaces of their bodies and their clothes, and our brains put together a sense of who they are. We are the Body of Christ, and many people will encounter Christ in us.

Acts describes a healing Church. There were lots of miraculous healings, and that was good for making an opening to evangelize. I thought that it was unfair that we didn’t have them as often, so we were working at a disadvantage. I realized that we can be a healing

Church in a different way. The world is torn by hatred and division. If we could work on healing the divides, reconciling opponents, and building forgiveness we can be a mighty force for healing.

I won’t suggest that I’m an expert on this, but I will tell you I have grown enormously from where I used to be. If enough people do that, it could make the world a significantly better place. If enough people in the Church do it, it can help people see Jesus in us and

come to faith.

My journey started with “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. It was eye opening. It taught me to focus on what was important to other people, a concept new to me. Now there are many good resources. I would suggest; “No Future Without Forgiveness” by Desmond Tutu, “The Book of Forgiving” by Desmond and Mpho Tutu, “Don’t Forgive Too Soon” by Dennis Linn, Sheila Fabricant Linn and Matthew Linn, “God Help Me! These People are Driving me Nuts! By Gregory Popcak, and “I Never

Thought of it That Way” by Monica Guzman (specifically about bridging the political divide in our country). If you read only one, I recommend it be “Redeeming Conflict” by Ann Garrido. It has twelve habits for transforming conflict into a spiritual journey. If

enough people read and understand it, we can have a common set of principles and a common vocabulary for working together.

“Remembering God’s Mercy” by Dawn Eden is about healing wounds in our own hearts. John Gottman’s “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” talks about building relationships that can endure conflict, and it occurred to me that many of these ideas could apply to any human relationship, not just marriages. “How to Know a Person” talks about some general ideas for building better relationships, something not well taught in our society. “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt is about how phone based childhoods are seriously hampering (if not destroying) the next generation’s ability to connect in a human way.

Much work to do. I challenge everyone: what are we willing to do it make the Church more effective in witnessing to Jesus, sharing this most wonderful gift of the Gospel?

Might this help? I would ask everyone to pray on this.

Blessings,

Fr. Jim