Dear Folks,

Today’s readings are tough ones: we talk about forgiveness. Everyone knows that forgiveness is a part of Christianity. We know that if we are not willing to forgive, we are not really doing Christianity. Jesus spoke in very strong terms, but it is hard in practice.  I believe it was C. S. Lewis who said, “Everyone thinks that forgives is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.”

I personally had a very hard time learning forgiveness because I thought it meant that others could torment me without limit and without consequence, and I was supposed to pretend that it didn’t matter (when you were the kid that didn’t fit in, that would be an easy trap to fall into).

I have since learned some important things.

!. Forgiveness is a form of healing.

2. I takes time to heal deep wounds.

3. It can exist alongside protecting yourself. 

4. Sometimes forgiveness includes cutting off a relationship. 

When Jesus said if you do not forgive others’ sins you will not be forgiven, I first thought that meant that if we didn’t forgive others’ sins then out of spite God would not forgive us. I later learned that there was a deeper reasoning. God wants to forgive us because even though he really cares about sin, He loves us even more. He really wants to get all of us in heaven, even the worst of us. God hates sin more than we do, even though it doesn’t affect Him personally. He knows that sin can destroy us, and He loves us more deeply than we can imagine. Opening our hearts to forgiving is opening our hearts to being forgiven. Believing that God wants all people to be forgiven enables us to look at our own sins honestly, and perhaps realize that they were more serious than we are in the habit of thinking.

Some books I have found useful are:

“No Future Without Forgiveness” by Desmond Tutu. This tells the story of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa. It tells the horrors of apartheid (I knew it was bad but I didn’t know it was that back) and the good things that come from the hard decision to grant amnesty.

“The Book of Forgiving” by Desmond and Mpho Tutu. Talks about how to forgive: Telling the story, naming the pain, granting forgiveness, renewing or releasing the relationship.

“Don’t Forgive Too Soon” by  Matthew Linn, Sheila Fabricant Linn, and Dennis Linn. This talks about practicalities of various situations and practical responses.

“Remembering God’s Mercy” by Dawn Eden. This tells the story of one woman’s journey from terrible abuse to Catholicism and healing. Her relationship with Jesus is central.

Now think of the goal. No more pain, no more anger, no more resentment. Only God can get us there.

Blessings,

Fr. Jim